I'll admit it up front...I know the World Cup is going on, and I can't dredge up any enthusiasm. I know the US team beat Portugal and I know that every single person on the planet except for us here in the US are going bonkers over the whole thing. The fact is, I don't really care. To me, soccer is like hockey stripped of all the action, excitement, and beer. Tony Pierce has a good entry that pretty much sums up my feelings about the whole thing. So read that.
Two quick notes before I drop the whole thing altogether: in '94 (when, I think, the World Cup was played here), I was walking along Newbury Street in Boston and someone came careening down the street with horns honking and Brazilian flags waving out the window. I later learned that Brazil beat the US team. But the attitude of every pedestrian on the street wasn't shame or anger, it was "what the hell was that?" The US just doesn't care about soccer, no matter how much the professional "soccer's catching on!" crowd tries to ram it down our throats. I think this proves again why it's almost embarassing to be American. Kids in Portugal grow up playing soccer, kicking their little brains out till the cows come home (in Portguese, "até que as vacas vierem para casa"), but once the .005% of American athletes who play soccer get their act together, it's lights out ("luzes fora"), Lisbon!
And secondly, that same professional "soccer's catching on!" crowd will point out until they're hoarse that more kids are playing soccer than ever before, thus proving that soccer's catching on! Well, it doesn't take Pele to figure out how dumb that is. More kids are playing soccer because a) bats and gloves and cleats cost money, b) you can put an unathletic kid on the soccer field and just tell him to run around, instead of playing him the minimum 3 innings, batting him 16th and telling him to try to draw a walk instead of swinging, and sticking him deep in right field where someone will only hit a fly ball once every season. I caught that fly ball, by the way, thank you very much. And c) Kids playing soccer don't get hit in the head with baseballs or savaged with hockey sticks by angry dads.
Plus in real sports, guys playing defense don't have to hold on to their crotches.
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